An ode to the new world!

There is a new beginning 

Right beyond that turn

All you have to do is reach there

See its just at your doorstep

And there is a new world there

It doesn't see you the way

You see yourself

It has eyes wider and brighter

A more accepting heart

A bigger  mind

That doesn't only reason

But is reasonable too

All you have to do

Is reach that turn

Its not too far

But it won't walk towards you

You can't see it unless you make the choice

It doesn't come on new year's

Or any other day you may consider auspicious 

It doesn't come at all

Unless you decide to go

And go you must

Coz its right across the corner

The corner where people looked at you oddly 

The corner which asked you to bend and tilt

The corner which cornered you

It's the turn beyond which you can't see

But feel the breeze carrying the fragrance

Of the freedom to be you...

When I close my eyes...

I have seen your tears

Sometimes at the back of the bathroom

In the red films on the whites of your eyes

At the washbasins 

Being washed off with the makeup

At dining tables

Being blown out with the cold through the nose

I have heard your sighs

Big and small

Soft and loud

Choked midway in the throat

Muffled in hmmms and ummms

Released with the fog to let the warmth in

In the whirls of your cigarette smoke

I have seen your curling and trembling

With fists clenching

Spine arching 

Shoulder shrugging 

Neck jerking 

to ward off the shudder

I have laughed with it

In the angle of your mouth

While you grin it off

Floating in between your dirty jokes

Peeping through moments of sudden quite in the bustling discourse

I have tasted it

With your never ending hunger

Goaded with forks 

Scooped with spoons

Swallowed with unheard spasms

I have known

The pain

The strife

The denial

The acceptance

The ridicule

The faith

I have seen

And closed my eyes....

The star of the moonless night!

I am not the moon

Of your sky

I am the star

That twinkles at a distance 

Among a million others

On a moonless night

In my universe

I could be a sun

Or a dead planet

Reflecting radiance sourced from others

But you don't know that

While you fix your gaze on me

In your universe

I am the star

On a moonless night

And those nights are few

Days are many

When I am masked

You think I am gone

But you fail to see

All those stars behind the suns

And moons of your existence 

I am that star!

The shadow

Where do the shadows fall
when you walk alone at night
and there is no moon
to show you the way
You don't have to hide
the clear water of agony
running down your cheeks
won't reflect anything
The taut muscles of your body
held tightly against the storms raging within
can snap in silence
The creases of anguish
lining your mouth
struggling to muster a smile
can grow deeper
no one can question the pall of gloom
 hanging around you
The sighs can grow louder now
and become ghosts howling in their misery
The stillness can blend with anything
 become a mystery never acknowledged
and there are no shadows
because you become one......

ये ख्वाहिशों के मंज़र

मंज़िलों के सर चढ़े हैं

हर मील के पत्थर तक

ख्वाबों के क़ाफिले हैं

ऐ ज़िन्दगी तुझ से मिलकर

जलसा यूं मनाना है

हर साल तेरी मौजों को

सीनें में सजाना है

ग़र आह कहीं निकले

तमन्ना को फिर बड़ा दे

मंज़िलों को पीछे छोड़ूं

सपनों में ठिकाना है।

Ek aur barsaat!

लो फिर शुरु हुआ

दिल टूटने का सिलसिला

आसमाँ रोने लगा

शायद जलता हुआ जिगर

कुछ ठंडा हो ले

कुछ देर तेरी याद से 

फ़ारिक हो लें

कुछ लम्हे 

किसी और आवाज़ से

वाकिफ़ हो लें

फिर लौट के

तेरी परछाई का 

इंतज़ार करेंगे

भूलने की कोशिश में

तुझे याद करेंगे।

Kahani...

   आज हर लफ़्ज़

तेरी इबादत में सजे हैं
तू न भी सुने  फिर भी
 मेरे जज़्बात बजे हैं

बढ़ता घटता  है ये जूनून
 मिटता नहीं है
फैलता सिकुड़ता है ये एहसास
  सिमटता नहीं है

पत्थर की लकीरें हैं
बारिशों मैं नहीं धुलती
तमन्नाओं की जंजीरें हैं
 शराबों  में नहीं घुलती

दिल रुक रुक के
फिर चल  जाता है
वक़्त थमता नहीं
सूरज  फिर ढल जाता है

रात होते ही
ख्वाब मचलने लगते हैं
तेरी याद आये ना आये
आँखों में पिघलने लगते हैं

बूँद बूँद करके
एक जाम बनाता हूँ
तन्हाई से टकरा के
फिर गटक जाता हूँ

नशा होता है
बेहोश फिर भी नहीं होता
दर्द होता है
जोश फिर भी नहीं खोता

इस कहानी को रोज़
यूँ ही दोहराता हूँ
हर अल्फ़ाज़
तेरी शान में सजाता हूँ.... 

Baarish aur tanhai....

तन्हाई को बारिश का सहारा मिल गया

बूंदों में  ही सही तेरे साथ का गुज़ारा मिल गया 

टप टप की इस आवाज़ में 

तेरी धड़कन सुनाई दी 

ठंडी  सी इस हवा में 

तेरी महक आई थी 

 सुबह के आसमां को शामों का नज़ारा गया 

तन्हाई को बारिश का सहारा मिल गया 

The story across time....

There was the dream
that woke up with me
one morning, long back
as the sun spilled gold
at the end of my rainbow
its seven colours finding a shore
and the spirits of dew
rose to reach the heavens
the dream became a waking fantasy

There was the fantasy
not so long ago
sprouting and entangling
sensations fructifying
transforming into an obsession
in the water of the waking eye
sparkling like a star
becoming a life long quest

There was the obsession
was it yesterday or aforetime
leading me to you
across oceans of fire
but the soles won't singe
for you gave me wings

With each sundown
and each moon rise
the painter's palette changing
still drawing a similar picture
this morning
an exhaustion is settling in
with the exhaustive exploration
of whys and hows of our collective being
no more mysteries to unveil
no more moments eternalized
the oceans once crossed are wider now
and we stand on different islands
as waters touch the endless horizon....

My breviary of your letters!

Your letters 

Are the breviary

Of light

Of hope

A prayer redefined

For what a human could be

If you chose

To make her divine

Your words

Are an echo

Of souls born pure

Of raw emotions 

Of quintessence of life

Your rhymes

Are the music

Of the primal universe

Where stars dance

To rhythms inconceivable 

Where galaxies form

In swirling stardust

The pedestal you create

Is a steep climb to the heavens

A goal I cherish

For a million lifetimes!

You cry...

You cry

Afraid that I will leave

Helpless in your reverie

You donot hear the sound of hope

The foghorn for the lost ships

Is not visible

But it is

You cry

In agony of a loss

You have faced in eras before 

Loss has a hopeless face

Gain has no face at all

It just sits silently

Watching till you acknowledge 

You cry

With rains falling

Wiping of the footprints 

Of those who left

Rains wash off the footprints 

Of those coming in too

Footprints donot matter

What made them does

You cry

Scared if you can hold 

All that you feel

Inside your chest

You know it will overflow

Bit by bit

The cup can hold only till the brim

It also leaving

Of what it can't hold

But you cry

The tears are the same

Not for her

Not for me

But for the fear

That makes you cry....

Glad to share the same world...

I am glad we share the same world

When I stare at the stars in the night sky

I know your eyes

Stare at them too

When I feel the wind

In my hair

I know your hair are bouncing too

When I feel the nip in the air

I know your skin is tingling too

Miles apart

You share me

Times apart

I share you

Glad to share the visions

Thoughts and interpretations 

The pain, the sorrow, the joy

Like a soul residing in two bodies

I am glad we share the same world...

In anticipation....

Suddenly everything stood still

The leaves on the trees once swaying

With the undulating currents

The rising and floating dust

The clouds in the morning sky

The fine grains of sand in my palm

I am holding so tightly

Stopped seeping through the fingers

Suddenly 

The rains coming 

I felt not heard

Like an animal who can anticipate weather

But we are animals too

Bound to our instincts

Even when we try to keep them in check

And yes

Suddenly a deafening silence roared in my ear

In anticipation of getting drenched

Through the bones

The time stopped

And earth stood still

In anticipation.....

ये बौछार...

ये बौछारों के सिलसिले

तेरी याद दिलाते हैं

पहले आंखें नम होती थी

अब हम हो जाते हैं..

पानी की जो बूंद

पलकों को छूती है

तेरे लब हो जाते हैं...

ठंडी सी ये सिहरन

रोमों में जो है दौड़ी

तेरा संग हो जाती हैं...

हौले से गर्दन के नीचे

ढलकी सी ये धार

तेरी अंगुली हो जाती है...

बरसातों की टक टक

सीनें में लगती है

तेरी धड़कन हो जाती है...

पत्तों की सर सर

कानों को सहलाती है

तेरी आहट हो जाती है....

मिट्टी पानी में रम कर

जीवन बन जाती है

तुझ में रम कर मेरी देह

नया जीवन पाती है!

Zindagi meri zidd hai!

ज़िंदगी मेरी  ज़िद्द है
तेरा हर लम्हा निभाना है
हर राग तेरा सुनना है
हर गीत गुनगुनाना है।

रात की खामोशियाँ 
दिन का हर इम्तहां
ढलते हुए  सूरजों की 
अनकही सी दास्तान
हर हवा का झोंका
हर आता जाता मौका 
तू रुके या चले
तेरे साथ चलते जाना है
ज़िंदगी मेरी  ज़िद्द है
तेरा हर लम्हा निभाना है.…

अश्क बनके मैं गिरुं
या फूल बनके मैं खिलूँ
रेत बनके मैं तपू
या सोंधी मिटटी सी महकूँ
देह पर हो जलन
या दिल में  हो कोई अगन
हर चोट तू जो दे तो दे
सब पर मरहम लगाना है
ज़िंदगी मेरी  ज़िद्द है
तेरा हर लम्हा निभाना है.… 

तेरी  नब्ज़ मुझसे है चली
 तेरी सांस मुझमें है थमी
तेरी हर अदा, मेरा  हर भरम
हठखेलियन, दीवानापन
तेरा टहलना, मेरा  मचलना
साथ गिरना और सम्भलना
हर कश्मकश से जूझना
 जीने का सिर्फ  बहाना है
ज़िंदगी मेरी  ज़िद्द है
तेरा हर लम्हा निभाना है
हर राग तेरा सुनना है
हर गीत गुनगुनाना है।   

Perhaps....

Perhaps it was better
when u did not look at me
I could not see my desires
reflect in your eyes

Perhaps you did not care
or did not share
the moments when my heart beat raced
to match the pace of my fantasy

Perhaps I did not want
you to feel what I felt
So I could hold on to the key
to my little secret garden
where I hung on to you
like the creeper on to a tree

Perhaps now when you look
you can still not find
the treasures I cherish
For our sake
When the perhaps is no more
my mystery vanishes
and you would still
want to find me........

Tere saath ka suroor hai....

तेरे साथ का सुरूर है
 हर बात से बहका हूं मैं
तू चांद है हर रात का
और अंगार सा दहका हूं मैं
नशा मेरी आदत नहीं
फिर भी किया करता हूं मैं
गर गिरूं तो तुझमें गिरूं
वरना संभल चलता हूं मैं
तुझे इश्क गवारा नहीं
मेरा दर्द आवारा नहीं
तू न मिला कोइ गम नहीं
तेरी महक से महका हूं मैं.. 

Aagaaz

 कल रात तेरी याद ने सोने न दिया
सपना बनके तूने मुझे रोने न दिया

इस महफिल में तेरे दीदार का अंजाम यूं होगा
अाज रात भी आंखों का अरमान तू होगा

तेरी बेरुखी पर भी हमें प्यार आता है
इक़रार लगता  है जब तेरा इन्कार आता है

कभी तो बहकेंगे तेरे जज़्बात ऐ सनम
जीते हैं रोज़ रख कर ऐसा  इक वहम  

रात तेरे आगो़श में चैन से सोने का
 हर सुबह वही एक  ख्वाब सजाता हूं
किस रोज़ मेरी रूह का आगाज़ तू सुन ले
ऐ चांद तेरी चौखट पे बादल बन के आता हूं..... 

Long ago...

it was long ago
you said yesterday
when we had met
and shared a life
but it was so long ago
hence irrelevent today
that we had shared
not only joys
but sorrows
yes it was long long back
so we shouldot worry
why what happened, happened
a shared world collapsed
and traces wiped
because it was long ago
you said yesterday
and I still remember
today

You and I continuum...

You and I
like the banks of a river
walk along side by side
in this journey through time
and the water we hold
between the two of us
takes my soil to you
and yours to mine
we need to hold it together
to hold off the flood
that annihilates the shores to ruins
do not let us overflow
and merge the boundaries
leaving ourselves behind
'coz we meet underneath
the faltering stream
the bottom is our shrine
You and I
two entities to the world
are still one in mind!

Reflections IV- Feedback on Feedbacks!

Feedbacks are important. We have feedback mechanisms in our body which help control the physiological mechanisms  especially the neuro endocrine circuits. In schools and workplaces, Feedbacks help us understand the other person's perspective so that we can improve our performance. But what does a feedback do that is less of a negative feedback and more of a complaint?
 So a patient who is depressed and is having interpersonal problems in marriage gives a feedback that the doctor is not empathic. Her father offers the same feedback because he is trying to make me remember his other daughter who probably saw me a year or two back and since I am at loss of recalling her and trying to focus on the current patient, he feels I donot care. The management wants to dig the issue with me, it helps me understand the extent of depression the family is in, but how does it help me improve.....from a clinical perspective it is actually expected and in therapy we call it transference, but from a practical perspective, next time I am vary of  any such patient. The doctor patient bond gets traumatized a little. Next time, a patient's husband mentions that he had to wait for 30 minutes to see the doctor and then he was sent back to the ward unattended.Well, he of course forgot to mention that the doctor was in session with another patient who had come with an OPD appointment and since the indoor patient was getting restless, doctor had taken time to suggest that either they could wait or go back to the ward because the doctor couldnot make patients who had taken appointment to wait. What does this feedback teach me, that I shouldnot allow any indoor patient to come and see me in OPD even if the patient needs to be addressed in the privacy of the psychiatrist's chamber or simply because it is convenient.Another good blow to doctor patient relationship. While psychiatry addresses issues of transference, it also addresses issues of counter transference, wherein the therapist develops negative feelings for the patient or family. This eventually hampers treatment. And this reactive pattern of interaction extends itself to all medical specialties (I refrain from saying all human interactions because the treatment part is not part of other interactions).
There are inherent dilemma's in human interactions, views/opinions/perspectives differ and if everyone stood at their own vantage point, it's difficult to understand beyond one's own needs. From administration's perspective, they need positive propaganda to get the patient back, from patient's perspective, they need exclusive care and attention, even a doctor needs patient satisfaction and positive feedback for good business but they still end up facing the flake. Nobody talks about doctor's feedback.So while the doctor should maintain OPD timings, noone takes responsibility for him/her waiting  in OPD well beyond the scheduled time because 4:00 pm appointment reached the hospital at 5:00 pm but certain people have the audacity to fight to see the doctor before all those waiting because he took an appointment for 10am but reached at 3:00pm. The doctor is told that he/she charges too much consultation fee, or why can't he/she see patient for free for followup because the patient is anyway better with treatment, or he/she is responsible if the medicine doesnot work or causes side effect and therefore again should see the patient for free, or should spend as much time with patient during consultation as the patient needs rather than the scheduled time slots. The cherry on the cake is  when patient's family assaults doctors in emergency rooms across the country and all that happens is a day's strike before everyone starts blaming doctors for being heartless and earning too much (!)
What is of greater concern?
For one, due to the current trend , doctors are becoming too practical in their profession and while medical practice is loosing its heart, the treatment protocols are becoming too rigid leading to less innovation in clinical set up.
Secondly, as the heart goes, the soul will go too. It's already happening at several places especially with greater corporatization of medical practice and setting of goals and targets that do not revolve around improvement of overall health in community but improvement of patient and procedure count for the hospital.
Thirdly, since patients turn consumers, there are higher and higher chances of litigation which lead to the first and second outcomes anyway.
But currently my personal concern is that it will change my own practice strategy. As a psychiatrist, I try to be empathic, but as a human being, I get angry and frustrated and loose trust in the idea of doing good. If I just do my job, I will never intervene and let the hospital and staff tackle people while I follow a rule book where sessions are strictly timed and no interactions outside of clinic are advised. And all those good people who are sensible as well as sensitive will loose out on good care while the one's who are the cause are anyway beyond help!

Lets just hope it does not come to that....

Reflections III- Time Paradigms- free time/me time/no time etc

Time is a mystical dimension that we try to understand using clocks and calenders while following the movements of sun and moon, but when it comes to managing life time, it takes an even more mysterious turn. This is ironical because as a professional, time management is the first thing I preach to my clients. As a working person with various social roles to play, it becomes imperative that we are neither too rigid not too careless with our 24 hours everyday. But what do you say to an individual who asks," Doctor, when are you free?".
What is free time....

Am I free, early in morning when I am trying to wake up, wake children up, sending them to school?
Am I free, later in morning when I am trying to catch-up with the newspaper, morning tea, honing lost communication skills with my husband, bathing, dressing, managing household and trying fervently to reach work on time?
Am I free, during the day when I am trying to explore/understand/diagnose/treat people of their various issues?
Am I free during lunch hour when I am trying to collect dry-cleaning/ tailoring/groceries/paying bills, reaching home, trying to  eat lunch while instructing my maid and trying to feed my baby, catching up with elder one's school activity, and sometimes looking to breath before I start seeing patients again?
Am I free later in the evening when I have to again become a little more instructive to all those instruments that balance my fragile work-family balance while trying to get dinner on table- feed-listen-instruct-feed-listen-instruct?
Am I free later in the night when I want to take a few moments to relax, surf channels or read a book or pen down my thoughts before I start another day?

Would I be absolved of hitting another if I took a phone-call while driving?
Would I be allowed a positive feedback, if I responded to a patient while seeing another?
Would I be sane if I allowed random people to talk to me while I try to interact with my friends and family?

If free means something available at no price, then I am never free. My time does not always cost me monetarily. I am forever paying something or the other, important to me, in order to give you time, and in that process, I need to choose...I need to priorities...I need to even give up the monetary benefits of using my time to guide another if I have to spend emotional currency and in turn feel more depleted than ever. My time is not the government's  property and its not the property of those who pay for a 20 minute consult and then wish that I be available to them whenever they feel the need.

When it comes to judging others, we as a race are pretty adept at it, but to be able to realize that everybody is blessed with the same 24 hours a day while earth completes a rotation around it's axis, should-not we be more sensitive to other people's time. Instead of asking for free time, if we could ask for someone's valuable time and not think that we have a right to have it because one would be NOT eating/sleeping/working or generally Not being busy performing all those mundane things that actually make up the most important part of our lives.

I am not somebody who would not give you time, but you will have to earn it by respecting it.

who is the one?

Amidst the applause
stands the question
all those verses
are for which one
Is this for him
who never came
Is this for her
who seems so lame
I look for reasons
I look for rhymes
I look for the feelings
despite the whys
while you float through dimensions
I sketch you in mind scape
i explore you in words
and let you escape
You are so like the movie star
but still common
waxing and waning
in myriad emotions
hopping through zodiacs
like the moon and the sun
are you the one
the one
I saw in you
the one
I married to
the one
I lost often
the one
still waiting to come
Its all and none
yet the only ONE

Lonely musings...

Lonely in my musings
I sit here
waiting for no one
the sun is setting somewhere
i cant talk in hyperbole anymore
the poem won't form tonight
am i grieving the loss of words
or mourning the loss of meaning
like the barren land of mirages
images form
i chase them
with complete devotion
cognizant of its illusion
still disillusioned at the end of the chase
it does not exist
the waking dream
the lie of existence
the beauty of anguish
the exaltation of unrequited love
the vicarious pleasures in acted out fantasies

...and I sit here
the night has probably fallen
the sky may have a moon and stars
loneliness may be the one thing I cherish
but I cherish your company more
my illusions
in my lone musings
 the loss is shattering
the house of cards
I build so lovingly
is giving up its farce of shelter

...so I mourn
my disillusionment
the starkness of reality
leaves me naked
scarred
I sit here again
in my lonely musings...

I scatter....

I am scattered
around you
clinging to your sights
as the looking glass falls in your dresser
I capture myriad images
of the world
and you see it reflected through me

As I lay scattered
in your path
holding my breath
so you can pass unhurt
like a thousand fireflies
you see me twinkle 
in the moonless night

And I scatter
as the clouds scream
through the tearing sky
a million droplets
fall around you
on your coat that wraps in the warmth
on the leaf that gets trampled under your foot
you feel me moist
against your bare skin
and you run for shelter

But I scatter
in the fragrance
of the blooming garden
while you take your morning walk
the tokens of my wholesome self
dance around your nostrils
for you to breath in
for you to taste
for you to feel
for you to see the nuances of the world
as I scatter....

Dream talk...

But its the time when time stands still
Neither day nor night
Not even the twilight
So I will talk like I do in sleep
And you can hear
You can see a poem forming here
It's confusing and defining
Taking shapes
Like pareidolia in rain drops
You create meanings
Your meanings
And I create mine
And we try to match them
we call them wavelengths
meandering lengths of consciousness
crawling between our thoughts
a kaleidoscopic reflection
of abstract constructs
you- me- us
and our primary process thinking
In this dream
you swim
I fly
You rise
I die
and the time remains
eternal in its eventuality!

The caress!

A 26 year old young caress
soft and warm
looking at the world with lost eyes
sometimes it is difficult for her to smile
sometimes easy with a tinkling laughter
her dainty form
 has the depths of oceans beyond existence
sucking one out of one's shell
she creates a vacuum
and as is the nature
of a low pressure zone
all things get sucked into it
the light of stars
the coolness of the moon
the heat of the sun
the smell of earth after the first rain
in that one spot
an amalgam of feelings
scattered in moist moments
and she leaves
leaving the thrill of the caress behind....

Conversation!

Lets converse in verse
the prose is so mundane
the 'hi's so irrelevant
the 'bye's so illogical
'cause you never come
I never go
I can't hear your sighs
when you talk about your day
You can't see my strife
when I recite my story
The words sound hollow
conveying facts
 meaningless in their dreary meanings

Converse with me
through eyes
You twinkle
I smile
unafraid what you may perceive
unfazed what I may convey
the melodies resounding in your trance
my poem singing itself
with the rhythm of your heart
their echo
is our conversation

will you miss me.....

You saw me glistening
in the corner of your eye
that single drop of water
 hanging in the horizon
not cold enough
to become a snowflake
not dense enough
to become a cloud
floating alone
forming mist
about to become
the dew drop on the grass
in your backyard
evaporating with the first ray of Sun
will you miss me then!

Talk!

You don't talk to me
neither in words
nor without
your gaze averts as I look into your eyes
the colour fades as I simper
You don't talk to me
neither in poetry
nor prose
your breathing lacking symphony
your renditions without pride
You don't talk to me
neither in the lull
nor noise
Are you afraid
 of shattering my peace
 are you perturbed
of loosing your countenance
Talk to my soul
if you will
talk in silence
since you can
talk for me to find answers
cause I stand unheard
if you don't talk to me!

Khas Kisse...

ज़िन्दगी तेरी ज़िद्द के
किस्से तमाम है
न तू आम है
न हम आम हैं.

कुछ खास सा लगा  था
जब तुझसे दिल मिला  था
हर लम्हा आशिकी था
जब तुझमें मैं रमा था
इस रहग़ुज़र से गुज़रे
हम सुबह शाम हैं
न तू आम है
न हम आम हैं.

आता है याद ख्वाबों में
तेरा और बढ़ते आना
कभी तेरा यूँ झिड़कना
कभी मेरा यूँ मनाना
गरीब की  तिजोरी
पर फिर भी शान है
न तू आम है
न हम आम हैं.

हमराह मेरे तुझसे
शिकायत तो थी मुझे
तेरे पास न होने की
आदत भी थी मुझे
मंज़िल तक न  चला
फिर भी साथ तो  चला
कुछ देर के लिए ही
तू अपना सा लगा
समझाया बहुत खुद को
फिर क्यों परेशान है

ज़िन्दगी तेरी ज़िद्द के
किस्से तमाम हैं
न तू आम है
न हम आम हैं.

In your absence

When you are gone
The space where you had been
Becomes so visible
The air becomes palpable
With anticipation
Of your mirth
Your laughter fills it
As i keep looking
For you
Your absence marks
Your presence
In my mental register
I miss you then...

My Silence

my silence has a sound
in the hiss of my breathing
in the rustle beneath the sheets
if you could  hear it
my silence has a touch
in the shudder of my laughter
in the caress of my sigh
if you could  feel it
my silence has a taste
in the sweetness of my breath
in the saltiness of my sweat
if you could  savor it
my silence has a vision
in the loping of my mouth
in the frowning of my brow
if you could see it
my silence is my enunciation
for you alone
if you could fathom.....

Missing You

Missing you
is not a spontaneous reaction
its a manipulation
of my cravings
that being with you wont suppress
Missing you
is not because you are not there
but while you are there
I have to deny you
Missing you
is not to remember
but to forget
my existence without you
Missing you
is the colour of my prayer
beneath which 
sizzles the passion of my surrender
Missing you
is replete with
all that is
and all that could be
if I did not have to miss you.....

Freedom

courtsey: benamimusic.wordpress.com

you tell Me
you fear Me
that I make you loose control
in the dessert of mundane nothingness

I stir fountains of cold blue water

you tell Me
you seek Me
like the hot spring
of your never ending winter
the dream
waiting to kiss you goodnight
the clear sky
beyond the blinding fog
as you slog through the life
you are supposed to live

you tell Me
you need Me
like the light at the end of your tunnel
like the warmth of winter sun
like the rain of stifling summer

hear me sing
My seeker
I am the ghost of your desires
the fumes of your flame
taking shapes you conjure
the wilderness of your cultivated garden
you mow down to stay in control
but I exist untamed
in the realm beyond
I am
your Freedom!