Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Fear Psychology

Somewhere through the dungeons of mind a noise comes and holds me still, rooted to the ground.
I am afraid to call out or look around, its the primal fear of the unknown. I have to understand the meaning in everything I come across, to feel secure in my knowledge of the environment I dwell in- inside and out. I am afraid of getting lost and not finding the way back home. I am afraid of being left alone even if its the solitude I desire, in unfamiliar surroundings. In my fear, I presume all mysteries to be threatening - be it the aliens or the occult. I presume and get entangled in a web of my own creation, a world of my own negative expectations and I make ghosts come alive. Then I draw my weapons and am ready to fight- against an enemy I have invented.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Introspections- II

Its a different experience altogether when one gets to talk to a very very old friend. He is not a stranger but still someone new. But the diallemma is beyond the newness- for a new individual, the pages are blank; for an old friend, their is faded ink.......you dont know what the incomplete sentences mean, you only presume and then you find new meanings, new interpretations. Its like discovering an ancestral past but not quite. There is the individual you thought you knew but still somehow different. No its not the experience or the maturity- its the perspective. I can't seem not to think about 'The Pepper Tree', from the english reader in school- how the memories of bygone era (read childhood) tend to be coloured by the innocence of that era. The past is glorious because we expect it to be better than the present.
We all want to revert back to it sometime in future, to complete the cycle of life. Only the future isnt the past-it is the future only.