The School

Lets go and watch....
he is talking to the sun again
how funny
he believes sun will do something
if he chants a prayer
its just a ball of burning gas
he talks to mud
formed in figures
and chants 
hoping to change destiny
another odd concept
as if someone out there
had nothing more to do
than focus on his singular pitiful existence
creating obstacles or removing them
he goes about the day
carving his meals in the din of existence
hoping to find a meaning
when no meaningless words are heard
under the same sultry sun
who he talks to
calm 
like a child
secure in the knowledge
that mother will return
when the bell rings
and the school gets over!

Introspections IV- A dull moment!

Perhaps it is hormones, or exhaustion of several years of surviving it out, like the wheel of a car stuck in mud rotating and groaning at every turn- its been unappealing and gloomy for a while!
 Even through change, with Anna Hazare's assumed triumph from a national perspective, to addition of a new asset from a personal perspective- nothing seems to change!
With growth being the gist of all the living done by us, the growth seems to be limited to the greying of the physical form while the singular conscience of individuals and  the collective conscience of the society stays tiresomely same!
Well it must be the hormones, or the typical act of surviving through the conflicting world of wanting to rise above the quagmire of unchanging ethos while the people one fights for are the ones pulling one back into the security or comfort of deep, wet, slimy mud that senses are dulled!
I should wash my face...........

Introspections III

May be I should write today...after all I have been reading and watching movies belonging to the fantasy genre for more than a week now. As to why that should be a reason, well..... because it stirs imagination. There are people who cant seem to enjoy the fairy tales, the dragons and the elves, and the happy endings , because its all so unreal, so senseless;"how can it happen". At some point of time during growing up, we become too rational, too much in touch with reality and we loose one way to escape the mundane. In psychology, there is no pathology mentioned that emerges from being too much in touch with reality as opposed to psychosis that results from not being in touch with reality- so there is nothing to worry about from the clinical perspective..but from another perspective(I still need to become more imaginative to find an interesting name for it), its not all that well either.....well not for all at least.
As a child, I spent hours reading  superhero comics and I always enjoyed the mystical/magical world of fantasy. Some part of me still hopes that a world beyond our's exists where happy endings is the rule. What is interesting about the fantasy stories written till date, be it Harry Potter or Eragone or Chronicals of Narnia , the underlying principles are so simple- that 'love is the strongest weapon', that 'evil fears love and tries to destroy it to win but it still finds place in human heart as hope', that 'first destroy the evil within to conquer the one outside', that 'if we have happy memories to hold on to, we can ward of depressing dementors'.....to my fellow professionals in the field of psychology- CBT. Or common sense which is not so common (or the world or at least half of it, won't need us- the psychiatry and psychology professionals).
But thank God for small mercies- neither is common sense common, nor the simpler things in life so important........I can't go any further- imagination needs more practice..what should I read next?

Reflections II- Are we a regressive society?

Lately I have been thinkig a lot about evolution. Is it a form of development or just a new skin added over the old psyche. After all , all living beings are bound by the same to instincts- food and sex. I can't think of a third thing. And we regress or progress, only to serve these two functions.
It all started when I saw patients at the clinic, with problems related to dowry, and incessant demands by in laws for money. I wondered if my scowling at the regressive afternoon soaps was after all my own ignorance.
I hadnot seen it happening around me untill recently when I found one closest to me getting married into a family that made demands all in the name of the society;"hamari society mein yeh chalta hai," and 'aapki izzat, hamari izzat". Till now, I thought demanding behaviour was cheap and passe', not really an 'izzat wala" thing, well I was so wrong. Adding insult to the injury were the very family members of the girl's side, agreeing to the demands echoing the same sentiment,'aajkal society mein yeh chalta hai'. 'Aaj yeh chalta hai to kal kya chalta tha..........aur parson.....aur Raja Ram mohan Rai ke zaane mein?" At the risk of sounding cliche', if we just let things be for the sake of society, how will the society progress?
But then, does it ever progress! Its like growing up with ego scattered all over the psychosexual stages to overcome the conflicts- dont interpret as english- I am talking Freudian psychology. Any major stress and one regresses back to primitive methods to deal with them, so cry or shout- isnt this what a neonate does!
Recently someone's parent in law lashed out at the daughter in law because of what a relative from her side had done to upset him..........basically the relatives should have understood their status as "ladki walas" and followed the general rule of not offending the "ladka walas". This is a family that leaves no opportunity to display their disapproval of the society's way of following rules beyond one's convenience to the extent that attending someone's death ceremony is a useless act because "we have a busy schedule", so what the drama was all about? Regression to a primitive mode- aggression. And what for- because this time the absentees were from the girl's side!
But what finally happens in most such cases is that the ego battles of the older inviduals makes the younger ones take sides and end up complicating their lives. Where true maturity would mean understanding each others limitations as humans and not imposing ones wishes on the others, younger members learn to do the opposite. Push, impose, force and end up having dissatisfactory bad relationships. That hasn't changed over the years, so what's the fraud about developing/ progressing/ reaching extra terrestrial space.
I wrote a story in 8th standard, 'dhobi ka kutta", about the plight of woman who finds no sense of belonging at either her parent's place because she has to finally get married and leave them, nor at the husband's place where she is seen as an outsider. For a long time, I thought it had lost its relevance. Not any more.........may be someone will publish it this time.

The Fear Psychology

Somewhere through the dungeons of mind a noise comes and holds me still, rooted to the ground.

I am afraid to call out or look around, its the primal fear of the unknown. I have to understand the meaning in everything I come across, to feel secure in my knowledge of the environment I dwell in- inside and out. I am afraid of getting lost and not finding the way back home. I am afraid of being left alone even if its the solitude I desire, in unfamiliar surroundings. In my fear, I presume all mysteries to be threatening - be it the aliens or the occult. I presume and get entangled in a web of my own creation, a world of my own negative expectations and I make ghosts come alive. Then I draw my weapons and am ready to fight- against an enemy I have invented.

Introspections- II

Its a different experience altogether when one gets to talk to a very very old friend. He is not a stranger but still someone new. But the diallemma is beyond the newness- for a new individual, the pages are blank; for an old friend, their is faded ink.......you dont know what the incomplete sentences mean, you only presume and then you find new meanings, new interpretations. Its like discovering an ancestral past but not quite. There is the individual you thought you knew but still somehow different. No its not the experience or the maturity- its the perspective. I can't seem not to think about 'The Pepper Tree', from the english reader in school- how the memories of bygone era (read childhood) tend to be coloured by the innocence of that era. The past is glorious because we expect it to be better than the present.

We all want to revert back to it sometime in future, to complete the cycle of life. Only the future isnt the past-it is the future only.

Communication

Talk to me

in silence

through the demure quiver

of my physical being
in my conscience as I struggle
to let you stay
and cry
Listen to me
in the turmoil
of raging battles
without arguements
accepting
the sounds of soul
as it sounds


then we communicate!