Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Reflections II- Are we a regressive society?

Lately I have been thinkig a lot about evolution. Is it a form of development or just a new skin added over the old psyche. After all , all living beings are bound by the same to instincts- food and sex. I can't think of a third thing. And we regress or progress, only to serve these two functions.
It all started when I saw patients at the clinic, with problems related to dowry, and incessant demands by in laws for money. I wondered if my scowling at the regressive afternoon soaps was after all my own ignorance.
I hadnot seen it happening around me untill recently when I found one closest to me getting married into a family that made demands all in the name of the society;"hamari society mein yeh chalta hai," and 'aapki izzat, hamari izzat". Till now, I thought demanding behaviour was cheap and passe', not really an 'izzat wala" thing, well I was so wrong. Adding insult to the injury were the very family members of the girl's side, agreeing to the demands echoing the same sentiment,'aajkal society mein yeh chalta hai'. 'Aaj yeh chalta hai to kal kya chalta tha..........aur parson.....aur Raja Ram mohan Rai ke zaane mein?" At the risk of sounding cliche', if we just let things be for the sake of society, how will the society progress?
But then, does it ever progress! Its like growing up with ego scattered all over the psychosexual stages to overcome the conflicts- dont interpret as english- I am talking Freudian psychology. Any major stress and one regresses back to primitive methods to deal with them, so cry or shout- isnt this what a neonate does!
Recently someone's parent in law lashed out at the daughter in law because of what a relative from her side had done to upset him..........basically the relatives should have understood their status as "ladki walas" and followed the general rule of not offending the "ladka walas". This is a family that leaves no opportunity to display their disapproval of the society's way of following rules beyond one's convenience to the extent that attending someone's death ceremony is a useless act because "we have a busy schedule", so what the drama was all about? Regression to a primitive mode- aggression. And what for- because this time the absentees were from the girl's side!
But what finally happens in most such cases is that the ego battles of the older inviduals makes the younger ones take sides and end up complicating their lives. Where true maturity would mean understanding each others limitations as humans and not imposing ones wishes on the others, younger members learn to do the opposite. Push, impose, force and end up having dissatisfactory bad relationships. That hasn't changed over the years, so what's the fraud about developing/ progressing/ reaching extra terrestrial space.
I wrote a story in 8th standard, 'dhobi ka kutta", about the plight of woman who finds no sense of belonging at either her parent's place because she has to finally get married and leave them, nor at the husband's place where she is seen as an outsider. For a long time, I thought it had lost its relevance. Not any more.........may be someone will publish it this time.

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